BETTER OFF DEAD

On the real I have major talent.....but I'm scared to use it......I feel as if everything will go wrong once I put myself first....I've always been the kid who didn't care about people or certain problems in life......so call me a clown from when I was one......and look at the man I'm trying to become......its hard being a black male these days.......shit it really never stopped lol......but seeing the way I was hurts me......on the real I use to think if my mom died life would be so much better......I'm so wrong for thinking that its not even funny......it was because I didn't get away with a lot of shit so if she wasn't here ill be good.......the ending of last year I almost lost my mom and that was so scary......I couldn't eat or sleep and I began to have panic attacks.....even though she called I didn't wanna speak to her on the phone cause everytime I heard her voice my life would flash in front of me......of all the wrong things I did or times I spoke back in a tone that was uncalled for......I never wanted her to think I didn't care or I just was happy I had the house to myself at times lol.....I just needed to find me and I kinda did but not where I really wanna be at the moment.....but what I do know is I came a long way from back in the days......from a boy who didn't care to a young man that wants everybody to strive for success.......well I did my dirt and hurt a few people on the long run of my life.....but I'm man enough to pay the price......take me now cause I'm truly better off dead