WHAT AM I GOING THROUGH

As I lay in bed and days pass me by......at times I just wished I still got high......cause by wasting time not doing anything feels worse than doin sumthing.....my head hurts thoughts of me dying keep flashing in my mind......not knowing if I'm running out of time.....am I scared let's think....I use to smile now I have a tear on my face at all times......did sumthing take over my mind cause ill do anything to press rewind......these are feelings deep within I need a hug maybe even a friend...but I don't chill with men I'm a ladies man and theirs no need to pretend......everybody wanting me to do better....I feel sick everyday maybe its the change of weather......is it me or does time pass real fast......your day is over b4 u finish a laugh......now tell me that ain't scary.....well I'm running out of shit to say and my mind just went blank.....guess those people in control of me don't want me to think.......